I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
wow bdsm is so cute
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