we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
