Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I deserve this hangover.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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