I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
