fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
