So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
