so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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