So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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