OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
