In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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