I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
