Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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