So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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