There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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