This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
