AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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