nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
