you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
