Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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