How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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