I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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