is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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