I'll bet she douches with gravy.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
