Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
