Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
