I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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