having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
