At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I forget how to act sober
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