I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
