just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
