Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
