There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
