If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You ruined the universe
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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