omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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