pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
