Plan B is the new Plan A
Pappa wants mamma naked
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
