And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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