my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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