I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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