I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
