imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
