I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
