This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
