last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
