I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
