We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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