My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
