I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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