Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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