Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
