Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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