I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
