Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
my poor anus
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
