I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
