my vag is so smooth its legendary
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize