U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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