dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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