How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Randomize
