Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
