I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
ttyl tear gas
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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