He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
