I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just forgot I was standing up.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
