What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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