i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
