i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I should be sponsored by Trojan
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Farmville is her only friend.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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