After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
