you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
