its not stalking. its research.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
