Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
