saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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