You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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