so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
pop tarts are not kleenex
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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