Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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