I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
