I could have mohawked her pubes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
