I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
