We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
