We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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