Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
the day after is always just damage control
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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