I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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