Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
