He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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