i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
