In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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