If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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