there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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